I can't deny who I am

It's been a while.

I still have phases where I revert to a vanilla life-style. I came back from holiday last summer and decided that I had to change things, give up my role as sissy maid, live a 'normal' life. I didn't feel comfortable in my submissive androgyne persona any more. I should accept that, as a mature 50-something year old, it was time to put away the canes, riding crops, high heels and breast forms.  I thought I could give it up and move on.

I cut off contact with Mme Caramel (my apologies to Her for my abrupt disappearance), stopped seeing my Philippina ladyboy friend, and started to spend more time with my family. I came close to throwing all my clothes and toys away: only last week I cleared out my chest of drawers and filled a plastic bag with stockings, tights, bras, garters and knickers. I left them in the hall to throw out.

Luckily, I never got round to it. The Saturday before last I was lying in bed, idly browsing the web as you do. Inevitably my thoughts turned to Tgirls. I found some shemale videos on xhamster, searched for sissy and watched maids sucking cock. The old desires welled up; perhaps 'swelled up' would be more accurate. I typed in the Adultwork URL and searched for TV Mistresses. I found Ms A and my life has changed.

I emailed Mistress to ask for an appointment. She responded with a questionnaire, which I've attached to the bottom of this post. We were both working last week and arranged a meeting for yesterday evening (Sunday).

It turned out to be one of the most intense sessions I've experienced. Ms A is highly intelligent, imaginative, empathetic and just sadistic enough. I was nervous on arriving at her studio but She immediately put me at my ease, caressing me sensuously and squeezing my nipples simultaneously. I relaxed completely and put myself completely in her power; I remember saying "you can do anything you want with me".

"You really shouldn't say that to a Domme", she replied as she wrapped a soft rope round my neck.

The highlight of the session was when she fucked me. I can't really understand why this was the first time I've allowed anyone to do this. My Danish Mistress, The Empress, used to take me with harness and dildo; I've had one rather unsuccessful fumble with a Greek friend. But I'd never had another cock inside me with my knees up around my ears, feeling it deep inside me. I loved it, dear reader.

It's been a long journey with many detours but I'm beginning to think that I may have arrived somewhere that I belong. I accept myself as a bisexual and, I realise properly for the first time, a transvestite who feels happiest in the company of other transvestites.

Who knows: that may change and I may move on again. But for the moment I want to explore this place; to learn to dress properly, to put on make-up, to find the courage to go out dressed.

Missy A's questionnaire and my answers:
Name: Francis(ca)
Age: 60
Height: around 5ft 10
Weight: around 12st
Shoe Size: 8 and a half
Where shaved?currently unshaven

How often do you play?:
Haven't played for a while; since I stopped seeing my last Mistress. At times, when I've been in D/s relationships, it's been very frequent

B: Experience
What is your level of experience?:
I'm quite experienced in BDSM and D/s but almost exclusively with Dommes. I have never been with a Master or a TV Mistress.

What was the most meaningful session you have ever experienced and why?:
I've had a number of meaningful sessions. I think they've been based on mutual respect between sub and Domme, a genuine empathy and emotional connection. They've also depended on trust: I have at times been able to put myself completely at the mercy of my Mistress without setting limits. On those occasions the interchange between dominant and submissive becomes a dance, instinctive call and response, where cries of pain (when experienced) almost become song.

Have you ever had a traumatic experience during a B/D session that you fear might re-surface during play? Specify:
I nearly fainted once when on a St Andrews Cross which was very frustrating because I had been looking forward to being helplessly suspended on it. I think I was just too tired to play.

How long have you had or known of your interests?
For 30 years.

What is your sexual orientation?
I'd say that I'm omnisexual, predominantly hetero with a strong attraction to TV/TS females.

.Are you... (rate each from 0=lowest to 9=highest)

___2___sadistic
___8___masochistic
___2___dominant
___8___submissive

Your level of interest in bondage:( just need one of these - a "X" by the relevant line to you
will do )
1. Total helplessness X
2. Light bondage X
3. Not my favourite thing
4. Outside my limits
5. Never tried it

Pain (what you are, or what you're looking for)
This depends on mood, the scene and the nature of the relationship with the Dominant

1. Pain slut - yes, occasionally.
2. Whipping, caning, paddling - yes.
3. Light paddling, sensual whipping, no marks - it's nice sometimes to be gently dominated by a loving Mistress
4. Punishment when necessary: if it's part of the contract with my Domme, then I would expect to be punished for transgressions. Punishment is different from erotic play and is not for the sub's pleasure.

I. Sex in a scene, for me is...
An important enhancement but not essential - delightful when permitted, it’s always granted at the discretion of the Domme.

Do you find it difficult to 

a) be erect for longish periods:
to be honest, as I get older it is more difficult to keep erections for a long time. But I find that viagra is a wonderful way of overcoming that problem.

b) achieve orgasm - no.

c) are you cut or uncut - uncut.

d) are u liable to want to finish the play after an orgasm?
That’s the male way very often but as a sub, I don't really think it's my choice.

e) would you consider yourself a 'premature ejaculator?
No but sometimes I come sooner than I would like.

Anal sex: a short note here from you would be helpful :
I want to be fucked. In a previous D/s relationship my Mistress regularly penetrated me using a harness and dildo. I've never had a real cock inside me: it's high on my list of longed-for experiences.

C: Interests, Preferences, and Limits
Roles I would like to play:
I'm open to anything, to be honest:
Personal Slave
Slut
Domestic/Sissy Maid

Haven't really done schoolroom, office, prison or 'acting' scenarios. I'd be up for it, though.

Roles you'd like Mistress to play:
Sometimes gentle and sensual, the loving dominant "this is for your own good",
Sometimes strict, awe-inspiring and unforgiving: depends on the Dom/me’s preference, scene
and mood.

Do you want to be feminised, if so what is your dress size
Not sure of my dress size: certainly happy to be feminised: I was for a while a lifestyle sissy maid for a ProDomme

D: List your limits here:
Scat/hard sports.
Blood.

E :What type of play have you experienced in the past? A short sentence after each item is all that is required though do wax lyrical about anything that provokes a strong like or dislike

rope bondage_love it
saran-wrap bondage__not sure what that is: sounds interesting
spreader bars__stretch me, please
cuffs- leather_essential, I'd have thought.
gags rubber____no experience; not fond of ball gags but then it's not my choice, is it,
Mistress?
gas mask___never tried

(YOUR!)Clitty/cock Torture :
slapping_yes
whipping__yes
flogging__yes
pegs____yes
cock rings, straps___yes
wax yes

I've experienced all these; more, please.

Nipple Torture:
Finger squeezing/kneading yes_
whipping__yes
pegs__yes
wax   yes
Blindfold yes
hoods/headgear___yes

Fetishes any of these?
Boots__ I like to kneel and kiss them
Latex___ no strong fetish but I like the look and feel
Leather___as above
smoking __no
high heels__love them
feet worship___ of course, if it pleases Mistress.
kissing- light or french or none at all? Depends on the mood/scene. I like French kissing.

Corporal Punishment
face slapping( think carefully?)__in the right mood/scene, perhaps. it's quite humiliating and can be shocking.
spanking OTK (over the knee!) __love it.
leather paddles__yes
riding crops yes
canes eek....yes, i have a love/hate relationship with canes. They're essential: the look, sound and feel of them is intrinsic to a D/s scene.

G:Medical                  
water sports_not a huge enthusiast but will submit if required as part of a scene.
anal play-butt plugs - yes, yes.
anal play /finger treatments: A previous Mistress loved to insert her fingers.
vibrators -penetrated__yes.

Body Worship:
can manage extended periods of:
(MY!) clitty/cock worship _Possibly my favourite activity
leg and thigh worship __My honour to serve in this way
Rimming__Yes, Ma'am

Protocol for a Sissy Maid

At my interview with Madame Caramel she had warned me that she would send me instructions on what she expected from the slaves in her stable. They arrived a couple of days later.


Domestic Aka Francisca


Here are some basic steps to becoming a sissy Maid and a domestic. As I told you, I have coped most of this from a site that I really like. There is two profile one for domestic and another for francisca. I will training you to the bets of my abilities and I hope you make the same effort as I will be putting in to teach you.

This is very important to me and is all to do to with common sense.

I really need to have a full day with Maid Francisca on a Saturday or Sunday from 9am till 5pm so I can start training you to meet my needs. Find a day and let me know. Read this all well; it might be best to print and keep it with you at all times. This way you will have a constant reminder if in doubt. Buy a little booklet so I/you can write your trangressions. Let's correct this clumsiness.

You have won the right to call me Mistress in private but you shall continue to address me as Ma'am or Madame Caramel in front of strangers on the scene.

As Madame Caramel acknowledges, what follows is quoted from a site for sissy maids, perhaps Belinda Reed's SissyMaids. It is a good basic primer for trainee maids and, as my Mistress states, provides the essential rules which become second nature for a sissy. 

Curtsying
 The most important thing a sissy maid must do is curtsy. Curtsying shows both respect and humility. It is also important because it shows submission and an acceptance of the sissy maid's role and position. Every sissy maid must know how to properly curtsy so that she may better serve her Mistress.

Below are the 5 steps of the curtsy:

1. Always smile!
2. Elegantly place your right foot behind your left foot so your ankles are crossed.
3. Take hold of the hem of your dress at the sides. You want to make sure your actions are sissy-like, so hold it with your fingertips!
4. Slowly and elegantly bend at only the knees, dipping, making sure you pull up slightly on the hem and hold it out.
5. Once you have completed your dip, rise back up just as elegantly and return to your original stance. Make sure you smooth your dress and smile!

Serving
Serving properly is a very important thing to know for any of sissy maid. When Mistress wants her breakfast served to her in bed, or when she is having over her friends for dinner, how do you properly serve? The proper way to serve is of course to do it with a smile on your face and make sure that you bend over at the waist only. As you bend, push your sissy ass up into the air a little more than normal. A sissy maid who knows how to serve properly will be able to better impress the Mistress and Her friends with her skills.

Posture
Another very important thing for all sissy maids is posture. No Mistress would want a maid who does not sit and stand and mince like a sissy.

Sitting
Although most maids are not allowed much time to sit (after all we do have duties don't we?) it is valuable to know how to sit at those times when it is acceptable. The proper way for a sissy to sit is with her back straight, head forward, legs crossed, and hands neatly and prettily folded in her lap. The only other acceptable way for a sissy to sit is with her feet back and to the side, one foot over the other so they are crossed, and her hands neatly clasped in her lap. Of course she must also be sitting up straight, as that is very important for good posture.

Also sissies, don't forget to smooth your dress over your bottom as you sit and to smooth it when you rise. Always make sure your actions are feminine and sissy-like!

Walking
Walking in a proper manner is an art. It takes much practice and concentration to master. A sissy must walk with her shoulders back, head up, and one foot in front of the other. Sissy's hands can either swing inward; one hand is resting on her hip, or daintily held. Her legs should be together, and her hips should hold a certain sway. Her steps should be small and pretty. Most of the time she should actually only step a half a foot. This insures that she must take much more steps and her hips will be swaying, especially since a sissy maid must often report to her Mistress's call quickly. Walking properly is an art form and with enough practice and work any sissy can do it in a very sissy-like manner.

Submissive Servitude
A sissy maid must always serve in a manner that is submissive and obedient. As many of us maids have found out, not doing that can get us punished, and no maid wants to be punished. Therefore you must strive to please your Mistress, no matter what she asks of you. One time a former Mistress told me that I should always be smiling, because she thought that my smile is lovely. She said that every sissy maid should be cheery and happy while at service. It was very hard for me to constantly smile, but I did, and my Mistress told me that she made me smile for 10 hours straight. There is always a lesson to be learned in my punishments, and this lesson is one I will never forget. A sissy maid should always be obedient to her Mistress, but she should also always be cheery and have a happy disposition. Serving Mistress is to be considered an honor, and we maids should be happy to be in service. Remember maids; serve obediently with a cheery smile!

Duties and Domestic Servitude

1. Wear what Mistress instructs
2. Kitchen work: light cooking, meal serving, dish washing, thorough cleaning, organise cabinets sweep and mop floor

1. Bathroom work: scrub sink, toilet and shower, replenish supplies as needed, sweep and mop floor
2.  Bedroom work, make bed, organise clothes and shoes, vacuum floor, dust furniture
3. Secretarial work, assist as needed and instructed, dust and organize library
4. Entertaining guests: prepare snacks, direct additional help, serve drinks and snacks, thorough cleaning as needed, be available for fetch duty, be prepared if needed as demo
5. Dungeon work: clean all equipment properly, dust all furniture, vacuum floor, put all equipment in proper place, replenish supplies as needed, assess equipment for safety regularly
6. Other: be prepared for the needs of Mistress, maintain proper protocol at all times, be mindful of a pleasant attitude, Mistress may modify these duties.

By your sissymaid vow of obedience you will agree to the following:

• you will be taught the proper house routine, including, but not limited to:

1. morning duties 
2. breakfast prep, serving and clean up 
3. household daily/weekly tasks 
4. ongoing attendance to Mistress's needs at all times 
5. lunch prep, etc. 
6. afternoon household tasks continued from morning 
7. special task, class, training or recreation break if duties are caught up at that point, if not continue household duties 
8. dinner prep, etc. 
9. evening duties

• you will report promptly to the Mistress for training, correction or conference whenever summoned.
• you will keep a "transgression book" as taught by the Mistress, subject to review at any time.
• you will observe the specifics of your sissymaid vows at all times.
• you will accompany the Mistress on errands as needed and stay where you are told to stay, whether in the car or at her side.
• you will practice all aspects of courtesy and protocol, as taught by the Mistress, at all times.
• you will learn to serve drinks to the Mistress properly and do so at all times, except when in "vanilla" presence. To do otherwise is disrespectful and insulting to the Mistress.

**********************************************************

"Ask not what your Mistress can do for you - ask what you can do for your Mistress."

After many years of service, as personal slave to some wonderful Mistresses, as house-slave and maitre d' (retired) at Pedestal, I've recently taken some time out to reflect. The following thoughts are just a few suggestions about how a submissive can serve his Mistress:

Adaptability
Every Mistress whom I've had the honour to serve has had different requirements, so I've learned the need to adapt to those requirements.

But along the way I've noticed some qualities that seem to be desirable time and time again...

Anticipation
Knowing what She wants just before She has to ask you for it can take time to learn, but by being alert to Her body language and facial expression (eyes especially) it's possible to anticipate Her needs even on first acquaintance. It's largely a matter of...

Attention to Detail
Very useful in anticipating, but it's also about things like presenting a cup and saucer with the handle pointing in the right direction for Her; noticing that slight smear on the mirror and cleaning it immediately; always removing yourself from Her presence backwards with head bowed; etc., etc.

Being one of a stable of slaves
It is an honour to be part of a stable. It means that the Mistress values you as a slave and a piece of Her property. The fact that She owns other slaves should not make you jealous or resentful; you should not see them as rivals, against whom you need to compete, but as your comrades in servitude. Owning slaves should make Her life easier: you should work in co-operation with Her other slaves towards that goal.

Common Courtesy
Not so common these days! But such courtesies are a way of showing respect and a willingness to be of service: such as rising from your seat whenever She rises from Hers; opening doors for Her; walking kerb-side of Her; helping Her on with Her coat.

Common Sense
Ask yourself if the Mistress has the time or the inclination to micro-manage you. Probably not. You might serve Her better by taking responsibility and using your common sense rather than seeking Her instruction in every little thing.

Mistress is right, even when She's wrong
On a Saturday afternoon in the Charing Cross Road, many years ago, a Mistress slapped my face and said, “Don't ever contradict me again. If Mistress says the sky is pink with purple spots, then the sky is pink with purple spots.” It was one of the best lessons I was ever taught. It helped me to keep my lip tightly buttoned on many an occasion in the ensuing years. It takes humility to accept a telling-off even when you know you've done nothing wrong. I should have known better recently when Mistress told a friend that I had been late in reporting to Her that morning; but I was sure that I'd been on time. I should have simply acknowledged my transgression and humbly apologised. But pride in my punctuality got the better of me: I protested my innocence and was, quite rightly, caned.

There will be times, of course, when Mistress is in error and you will want to correct Her for Her sake. For instance, if She is under the impression that She is meeting Her friend at 8.00 yet you know that the arrangement was for 7.30. On such occasions, you would be doing Her a disservice not to speak; all you need to do is ask Her respectfully if you may make a suggestion…It is up to Her then either to act on your suggestion or to ignore it.

Motivation
The only motivation that you should need is the desire to please Her. As an added incentive to serve Her well, however, She might deem it necessary to correct mistakes or aspects of poor attitude, and you should be willing to accept whatever punishments the Mistress decides to administer.

Representing Her
Whether attending Her among the general public, or in the presence of other Mistresses, your appearance and behaviour reflect on Her. She might instruct you how She wants you to dress for various situations: you should follow those instructions to the letter. Your attention should always focus on Her but you need to be respectful to others at all times.

Self-effacement
One of the nicest compliments I've ever had from a Mistress was, after serving Her and Her friends at a tea-party: "I forgot you were there!"

Shoulders
Yes, useful when She needs a footstool. But also for taking responsibility, and supporting Her when She's feeling low.

“They also serve who only stand and wait”
Have you noticed how in costume dramas and films set in ancient Rome there are always liveried servants or slaves standing in strategic places? What an inspiration they are! I always admire their silent stillness, never betraying so much as a flicker of emotion on their faces. If need be, they will stand there by that door all day long, ready to serve but perhaps never called upon. So, what if the Mistress summons you to serve Her and then makes no use of you? Will you feel bored? Perhaps. (I could have said no, of course not, for you will be filled with the radiant joy of being near Her presence. But we are only human.) Will you feel sullen and resentful? Well, if you do, ask yourself why: is it because your kink is not being satisfied, or because you really want to serve Her and you don't think that this is it? Think again. By being there, in that spot, eager and ready to respond to Her beck and call, you are indeed serving Her. Perhaps She has others tending to Her needs: they scurry hither and thither to fulfil Her requirements. Her requirement of you is to be quiet and still, and wait.

I am aware, as Madame Caramel made clear in my interview with Her and in Her email, that this protocol was written by someone else. I think it was Belinda Reed on the SissyMaids blog.


If it is your work, please do contact me.

Interview for a sissy

Property of Madame Caramel

“If you want to be considered as my lifestyle slave, you should write me a polite letter explaining what you can offer and what experience you have. If you do that, I will give it some consideration.”

It was a week since one of London’s most celebrated Dommes had explained how I could apply for a place in Her household. It had happened while we’d been celebrating a successful recording session at Femme Fatale Films with a glass of red wine in a small café on Bethnal Green Road in East London. That shoot had been my first experience of playing the slave in a femdom movie as well as my initiation to domination at the hands – and under the backside – of the imposing Madame Caramel. It was a position in which I had felt completely at home. I knew that I belonged at Her feet metaphorically and physically.

I wanted more.

I was ready to broaden my experience as a submissive, to have my limits stretched.  I needed a Mistress and, in Madame Caramel, I felt that perhaps I’d found Someone I could serve in ways I’d never done before. Until now my experience as a sub had either been with pro Dommes or in the context of a long-term relationship. I’d had partners (Molly and the Empress, described elsewhere in this blog) where D/s had been an important part of our sexual play but not in a 24/7 context. With both of these long-term ‘Mistresses’, there had been extended periods where we’d pursued a vanilla lifestyle.

In all interactions with Madame Caramel, it was very clear that I would be submissive: as servant, slave or sissy maid.  She would demand things of me that no previous Mistress had asked, including simple domestic service, and would permit no ‘topping from the bottom’. She offered me a space in which I would always have only one function: to obey. I knew there was an emotional connection but that She would always use me for her own purposes and satisfaction. I was hungry for it.

I’d written my letter of application at the weekend while staying in the country at my brother’s house. I’d got up early on the Sunday morning and knelt naked at the end of my bed, still very conscious of my shaved legs and genitals.

And now I was sitting opposite Her in a favourite restaurant in Shoreditch,

under a fortnight since I’d first contacted Her on a quiet Sunday morning to apply to take part in ‘Dommes Gone Wild’. I’d had an initial interview, I’d been invited to the film shoot, I’d made my rather timid enquiry about becoming a full-time slave, I’d written my plea to be accepted as slave as I’d been instructed. Things were moving quickly.

Now I was to hear Her decision.

I’m sure that the Chateabriand that She’d ordered for both of us was good but I was barely aware of what I was eating.  She put down her cutlery and turned to me.

“Francis, I have read your letter and given it careful consideration. I’ve studied your behaviour and observed how you respond when I’ve told you to do things., You can be clumsy and careless…”

I knew she was thinking about the jacket that I’d left behind in the dungeon on the day we’d filmed at Femme Fatale. I was still appalled at that mistake; was it going to ruin my chances of being taken on?

“….but I think you do genuinely want to serve and you don’t seem to be trying to manipulate situations so that you’re in control.”

She looked at me closely, smiling as her lips framed the words I wanted to hear.

“So I have decided to take you on as one of my lifestyle slaves. I think you will make a good sissy maid and from now on you will be known as ‘domestic’, or when you are a maid, Francisca. For the time being you will wear this as a sign that you are my property.”

She reached into her purse and took out a short silver chain and padlock.

“Give me your hand”

She fastened the bracelet to my wrist.

“I will send you the rules that I will expect you to observe tomorrow. They’re based on a protocol for sissy maids that I like and I’ve adapted for my own slaves. You will study it and learn to behave properly.”

“We will make an appointment for a day’s initial training so that I can assess whether you are fit to serve me in public. I will want you to do housework, to serve at dinner and tea when I host parties, to give massages to Me and my lady friends.”

“You may also be required to serve me in the dungeon”.

“Have you sucked cock?”

“Yes, Ma’am. Only once or twice, but I have some experience.”

“Well you will be getting a lot of practice from now on. Have you been used as a toilet?”

“Yes, Ma’am”

“Good. You may now call me Mistress”. 

Serving Madame Caramel: Part 2

I become 'domestic' for the first time

Clutching a yellow shoulder bag containing rubber hood, collar and CB-6000, I listened carefully while Madame Caramel told me what she expected. We were making slow progress through heavy traffic in south London, on our way to Red Spot Studios.

“This shoot is about Me. I am the focus, not you. When we arrive, I want you to lay out my clothes carefully, to help me with my shoes and anything else I may need. At other times, you will kneel in the corner and wait until you’re told what to do. You’re there to be used in whatever way Mistress Eleise or I need for the camera”.

I felt myself blushing slightly: the minicab driver could hear everything that was said. Madame had glanced at him and spoken sotto voce when She first broached kinky topics but now She didn’t seem to care what he heard.

“Did you bring your cage?”

I squirmed. “Yes, Ma’am”

“Well, I don’t want you getting an erection when I put it on, do you understand? I don’t have time to waste”

My cock was already hard. I tried to compress it with the hand that was under my yellow bag but that just made it worse. I could only hope that when the moment arrived, with other people in the studio, I would find the situation more mundane and detumesce accordingly. If it remained stubbornly erect, not only would I be humiliated and embarrassed as Madame tried to squeeze me into the sheath of transparent plastic, but I also ran the risk of annoying Her for the second time that day. I was very anxious to avoid incurring her wrath again: I wanted to please.

Madame Caramel was taking something of a risk in inviting me, almost a complete stranger, to participate in the day’s shoot for Femme Fatale Films. I was desperate, not just to be a good slave (obedient, attentive, anticipating Her needs and making no demands) but to perform well in the scenes.

I had seen an email in which Mistress Eleise had said that She would like to re-create the artwork of Namio Harukawa  so I knew that I would be spending much of the afternoon with my face pinned under Madame Caramel’s voluptuous buttocks. Apart from that, (which I was looking forward to enormously), I didn’t know what to expect. When I’d asked what She had in mind, Madame had told me that it was better if I didn’t know. Would there be pain? Would I be awkward and clumsy on camera?

I checked the navigation app on my phone: we would arrive at the studio in 8 minutes. I wasn’t sure whether I was feeling excited anticipation or nervous dread: whatever it was, the adrenaline was pumping.

………….

“Make sure the seams are straight and don’t you dare ladder them”. I was kneeling at Madame’s feet in the dressing rooms of Red Spot Studios. It was the first time I had seen Her in anything but street clothes and I was beginning to understand what BBW can mean. Madame is a beauty of Rubensesque proportions: curvaceous, powerful and strong.

“But I’m not soft,” she said while I carefully rolled her stockings up her legs.

“Feel”

My breathing was shallow and fast as I slowly reached up and touched the firm brown flesh of Madame’s thigh: I felt muscle, not fat. My deepening sense of submission was reinforced as I realized that, psychological domination aside, She was quite capable of overpowering me physically.  As I fumbled with the stockings, my hands were impatiently brushed aside.

“If you are to serve me permanently, you will have to do better than that. Get  undressed and kneel in the corner. Don’t get in the way”

Very conscious of my persistent erection, I kept still and watched as Madame Caramel sat on a high stool in front of mirrors surrounded by light bulbs while Mistress Eleise of Femme Fatale Films applied make up in preparation for the shoot. I might as well have been part of the furniture for all the attention they paid me. My role was clear to be of service when required, otherwise to be invisible. I did my best to fulfill it.

It is often these in these quiet moments when there is no obvious domination, no verbal or physical interaction, that I am most conscious of joy in submission. The two Dommes chatted about make-up, maids and other matters as if I was not in the room. I felt completely at ease, content that my only responsibility was to do as I was told.

“Come here and bring your cage with you”. 


I picked up the CB6000 and its middle-sized securing ring.  My cock had wilted a little under the scathing gaze of the two Dommes but it was still a struggle to squeeze on the transparent case and fix it on to the three white stalks which locked it into place. I handed Madame the padlock.  I’d never been in chastity while shaved: if you are going to be denied access to your cock, the experience is greatly improved by not getting hairs trapped in hinges or snagged elsewhere in the device.

We were both ready: Madame elegant in black seethrough dress and corset, Her slave naked except for his cage. I picked up my rubber hood and followed Her into the studio.

We enacted three scenes. The first, for Femme Fatale, involved facesitting.

I drowned in Madame’s voluptuous backside, slipping between ecstasy as my whole face was enveloped between the capacious cheeks of Her ass, and moments of panic as I reached the limit of my capacity to hold my breath. With Madame astride my head, I was trapped: even if I had wanted to, I could not have thrown her off,  I writhed, slapped my hands and beat my feet on the floor until She lifted for a moment allowing me a few seconds to gasp for air and then settling her weight on me again. If you do watch the film, you will see that I was completely at Her mercy: had she wanted to suffocate me, there was nothing that I could have done.

If you want to know what happened next, you can see for yourself at Femme Fatale Films - search for 'In The Zone"

The other two scenes were for Madame Caramel’s own site. In the first of these, a scenario in which I played an incompetent servant punished for failing to clean the floor of Her boudoir properly, I acquired a name that has subsequently become a continuing fixture.

“What shall I call you? Something which describes your status as a slave….I know: ‘domestic’”.

And ‘domestic’ I have remained: it’s stayed with me longer than the nick on my cock inflicted when Madame kicked me as I was removing the offending wax  with my mouth.

To my surprise and delight, Madame Caramel permitted me to hold her hand in the cab back to Hoxton.

“Yes, domestic,” She said. “I think we’ll get on very well”.

Application for domestic, sissy and slave training

Dear Madame Caramel,

There are two reasons why i am compelled to write to You, Ma’am.

Firstly, i have to thank you for a wonderful week that has transformed my life. Last Sunday i faced the prospect of another rather dull and lonely day mostly at home: i would browse the web, watch some femdom clips, get up late, visit my daughter, spend the evening in front of the telly. get ready to go back to work.

Then i found the Dommes Gone Wild page and contacted You. i have not been able to think of anything else since You summoned me to interview. As i told you in the taxi, i was Yours from the moment You told me to kiss your feet. Kneeling before You, on the floor in Your flat, with my mouth pressed to Your naked foot, i felt a blissful sense of belonging.

Writing to Madame Caramel

 Which brings me to my second reason for writing: to submit a humble but sincere application for consideration as Your trainee servant or slave.  

If You will give me the opportunity, Ma’am, i long to learn to please You: to offer You my body and mind as Your playthings to command, to control, to submit to your bidding, for you to tease and torment, to punish or even reward as You see fit.

i realize that i do not have all the qualifications necessary to be Your slave but i do have some experience. i believe that with Your guidance and mentoring, i could learn to serve you well. i have been collared by two Mistresses in the past and have been trained to walk on a leash, to serve at table, to act as furniture, to do housework including hoovering, dusting and kitchen duties. i do not have much experience as a sissy maid but i would be very happy to learn more.

i know i have many faults. i can be forgetful and clumsy sometimes, as You discovered this week when i left Your jacket behind. Occasionally i will think of my own needs before Yours as, for example, when i started to pack my things before Yours after filming. i hope to prove to You that with correction and chastisement, i can overcome these failings.

i know that males become inattentive to the needs of Females when they come and that if You accept my application for training, my cock would become Your property. i would no longer have the right to masturbate or have orgasms without your explicit permission. i would anticipate spending prolonged periods in chastity.

As you know i have a full time job and, while i live on my own and am unattached, i do have family commitments which i will occasionally have to prioritise. Apart from this, i offer myself wholly to You, to use as you please, whenever you may have a use for me.

i am literally on my knees as i write this to You, Ma’am: i beg You to look favourably on this application.

Yours respectfully,

Serving Madame Caramel Pt 1

I could barely believe what I was doing. Four days previously I'd been idly browsing fetish sites on a wet Sunday morning, now I was taking a day off work to play the part of a slave in a FemDom movie with a Mistress I had met only once.

For the second time that week I was on the 149 bus bearing breakfast: a carton of Tropicana (smooth with no bits) and croissants. Madame Caramel had asked for ham and cheese but I couldn't find any on Church Street. Faced with the choice of either failing to deliver what She had ordered or being late for my 9:15 appointment, I'd bought strawberries in the hope of appeasing and pleasing Her.

It hadn't been my most productive few days at work; I'd barely been able to think about anything else since my interview. Apart from trying to imagine how it would be to recreate the artwork of Namio Harukawa under the majestic frame of Madame Caramel, I'd been preoccupied with complying with Her instruction to shave - completely. Sitting nervous on the bus, it felt strange (and slightly erotic) to be wearing trousers over legs now naked as a plucked chicken.

I arrived at Her apartment in good time and, to my relief although She asked about the ham and cheese croissant, She did not seem too annoyed at my failure to deliver it. Instead after serving breakfast, Madame Caramel permitted me to worship her feet for the first time.

Morning Service

It's hard to explain the intensity of the excitement and joy, the blissful sense of completion I feel kneeling before a powerful Woman, slowly pressing my lips to shoe leather or, if I'm lucky, to skin. When I first came out to myself as kinky, this kind of role play was just that: a performance. Over time it has become real and heartfelt, 'the outward sign of an inward state' as the Catholics say. This fundamental position of the slave has become more than external expression of submission: it's a gateway to joyful, willing immersion in the service of a Goddess.

Several hours later, on our way back from the studio I was to tell Madame Caramel: "You owned me from the moment You told me to kiss your feet".

Unfortunately there was no time to extend my descent into subspace. Ms Caramel had a schedule and I had been summoned early to be useful, not to indulge myself. Guests were about to arrive from Canada at her other apartment, the Hoxton Dungeon Suite, and She had an appointment with a client at around the same time. A receptionist was needed for the visitors. After I'd tidied her lounge, done the washing up and helped Her on with her shoes, we set out to walk the short distance to the dungeon. Mistress lead the way while I followed a few paces behind, carrying Her jacket.

The dungeon was a revelation: a luxurious bedroom, kitchen and bathroom complemented two contrasting studios equipped with every conceivable instrument of discipline, torture and delight. I tried not to reveal my curiosity and excitement as I was given my instructions. I was to wait for Mistress Michelle and her boy to arrive, greet them politely, help with their luggage and show them round. Mistress left me her phone in case they called for directions. I put on my collar, hung my jacket and Hers in the hall cupboard and started to explore discreetly.

I had barely entered the main dungeon room when I heard a taxi pull up outside, followed by negotiations with the driver and a knock on the door.

If Mistress Michelle was surprised to find me there, she did not show it. I explained Madame Caramel’s absence while helping the boy (in his mid forties, bespectacled and bearded) with what seemed like an endless stream of bags. While he started to unpack, I made Mistress a coffee, we talked about Toronto, where She lived and Her plans for a week in London. She was very happy with what she had found in the apartment.

“You can’t really tell from what you see on the internet”, she said. “But this place is great. Why stay in a hotel when you can be somewhere you can have so much more fun?” She cast an imperious glance at her boy and smiled.

Realising that I was now superfluous, I wished them a pleasant stay and left, remembering to take Madame Caramel’s phone with me. I decided to walk back towards Her other flat and wait by the main entrance; if She had a client I didn’t want to disturb her. That was my second mistake. I had yet to realize my first.

After waiting for half an hour Madame’s Blackberry rang. I saw that the incoming call was from an American number and answered it.

“Francis, where are you?” Somehow I'd missed her.

I explained and was told to head back to the dungeon quickly. Before I reached it, I met Madame coming the other way. She wasn't happy. She was now behind schedule and walking at a very brisk pace. As we headed up the stairs of her apartment block, she turned to me.

“Where’s my jacket?”

Oh shit.

I felt a stab of anxiety. Things had been going so well. I thought I’d been making a favourable impression. 

Now this.

“Er…I left it at the dungeon, Ma’am”

There was a slight break in Her stride; then an ominous silence. We turned a corner and arrived at her front door. She went to the living room and sat in a tall chair.

“Francis, come here.” Her voice was calm but icy; she pointed at the floor by her feet and I knelt.

“Closer”. Head bowed, I shuffled forward.

“Look at me”.

She took my chin firmly in her left hand, lifted my face and slapped me. Hard.

 I felt tears pricking but held them back.

“If you are to be of any use to me, learn to look after my things” Another stinging blow.

She didn’t need to say anything more by way of chastisement; Her look was enough.

“Now go upstairs and fetch the suitcase on my bed, we’re late. I don’t think I’ll risk another jacket. You’ll probably lose it.”

A few minutes later, ashamed and seething with annoyance at myself for my stupidity, I followed Madame downstairs to wait for a taxi.

We were on our way to Red Spot Studios and my initiation as Madame Caramel’s slave for Femme Fatale Films.

To be continued

Meeting Madame Caramel

Things have got interesting in the past few days.

Last Saturday morning I was idly browsing fetish sites pursuing my two primary interests at the moment: crossdressing and femdom when I found something that looked very interesting: "Dommes Gone Wild". Well...I haven't been to a club or a party for quite a while (to be honest, I haven't done anything much actively to indulge my inner pervert for a few months), so I thought I'd write and make an application to participate.

To my surprise I had a reply from Madame Caramel in just a few minutes. After we'd exchanged emails for half an hour, I found myself getting dressed and leaving the house to go for an interview in Her flat in Hoxton, pausing only to pick up bring the orange juice and croissants that I'd been instructed to bring.

I was very nervous as I climbed the stairs to Her apartment and admitted to Her living room. Madame is a strong, imposing, feminine presence and my immediate instinct was to kneel at Her feet but I knew it would have been presumptuous to do so.  I was sent to the kitchen to find a plate and a glass for the juice and pastries. After I had served them, I was permitted to sit and offered a cup of tea. And then we talked for nearly three hours.

Madame was warm, gracious and understanding, I found myself longing to serve her in whatever way I could and, before I left, she gave me the opportunity. Just a little domestic service, shopping and washing up, but it was a start.

The exciting thing is that not only had I been accepted for Dommes Gone Wild but Madame invited me to be her plaything in a film shoot with Femme Fatale Films later this week. It would mean missing a day's work but I didn't hesitate in accepting: I knew I would regret it for ever if I let the opportunity pass.

The next day Madame sent me more information about the shoot. The scene for Femme Fatale will involve clothed face sitting and body worship, inspired by the art of Namio Harukawa. There were also some very clear instructions for me:

"Slaves in my presence are completely naked and collared fully shaved! Bring a rubber hood and ID"

It's a long time since I've removed all my body hair. The last time was years ago, early in my journey into kink: when I was still married I'd spent a night and a day being feminised at Mrs Silk's. I'd made a complete mess of shaving my legs for the first time, bleeding all over her bathroom and subsequently my stockings. It was very embarrassing.

I was determined to get it right this time, so yesterday I went to Boots at lunchtime and bought a 'Venus' lady's razor, enough wax strips to pluck a polar bear, a jar of Veet oriental wax and new blades for my own shaver. Hard to concentrate on my meetings in the afternoon: I just wanted to get home and  depilate.

Eventually I got away. As soon as my front door closed behind me, I got naked and set to work with the wax strips: not only did they seem remarkably effective but the ripping sensation as they came off was a thrill for my inner painslut.

After a while I retired to the bathroom and went to work with my razors. I loved slathering my cock and balls with lather and then running the blade over them.

I think I'm ready. I hope Madame will find the result acceptable:

"Ready for my close up, Mr De Mille"