Dumped

Miss T called yesterday morning to dump me.

It was a short call. She said she was having a bad time.

"Physically or emotionally?", I asked.

"Emotionally. I'm pretty messed up, actually. I can't go on seeing you if you're going to go out with other people".

I told her that I understood. We said goodbye.

I've known her for just over two weeks; we met through an online dating site when I was having an excruciatingly painful week in New York with Molly. Somehow we'd contrived to have a funny and erotic correspondence about punctuation and I knew before I met her that we'd get on well. She gave me enough information to work out who she was and I found out about her: she has a reputation as a designer in the fashion industry. We arranged a date a couple of days after my return to London.

This was the first time I'd met anyone through a web dating service but I was pretty certain that what was happening between us wasn't usual. Within a couple of hours of meeting in a pub in Spitalfields we were kissing quite passionately. She has full, firm and immensely kissable lips; I loved the taste and feel of the Chanel lip gloss that she uses. But if the kiss in the pub seemed quick, the chocolate kiss on our walk to the next pub was indecent, erotic, extraordinary. I found a bar of Green and Blacks in my coat pocket, offered her a piece and gave it to her from my lips.

We didn't sleep together the first night. We both wanted to but I was living with my ex and it would have been a bit much to stay out over night. Two nights later we dated again, ate oysters, went back to hers and fucked: it was almost perfect. Miss T is in her mid forties and while her face may give her age away, her body could almost be that of a 30 year old. It helps that she has not had children. Her skin was soft, warm, supple to the touch and her cunt was quite beautiful, a perfect fit for my cock.

Over the following two weeks our affair was intense and very passionate. We made each other laugh, talked effortlessly and made love with intensity and humour. She came easily and frequently, making sure to tell me every time it happened. She told me that she had fallen in love with me.

And that was the problem. I've made a conscious decision to embark on a journey of exploration and expansion in search of some kind of personal and psychological growth and healing. I've never been very good at monogamy; I was frequently unfaithful in a relationship which lasted 30 years. There are many reasons I do not want to have an exclusive contract with one sexual partner at the moment and I am no longer prepared to lie.

I made it clear to MissT from our first meeting that did not want a monogamous partnership at this stage in my life. It became too painful for her to think that I might sleep with others. Hence yesterday's phone call.

I'll miss her.